Uncover the Dark Side of Your Giftedness

Just like everyone else, women in leadership are imperfect people who are in the process of becoming more like Christ. One of the best tools I have uncovered to help me get to know myself is the Enneagram. Discovering that I am a Two has helped me understand how I am wired on the inside, both positively and negatively, and how I can let God develop the dark side of my personality type into a positive for His Kingdom.

Twos are helpers. When we help, we give away a piece of ourselves with our help. When we get a “No, I don’t need your help,” it feels like a rejection of who I am, rather than simply a statement that what I wanted to do was not the right help for that moment. When I get a No, I have learned to identify the intensity of my feelings is not aligned with reality. Now, when I start the downward spiral, I know why. If I’ve offended someone by over-reacting, I will go back to them and let them know “the helper part of me got stepped on today.” This is my way of identifying I was hurt because my expectations exceeded the need of the moment. I have made progress but it has come with much work, prayer, tears, and counseling.

A Small Group of Trusted Peers is Essential

Isolation is where bad things happen. We know this, but it is hard to share what you need when you are leading others. Being able to find a safe group of peers is one of the benefits of NEWIM. Reach out and get connected.

Invest in Growth

I encourage woman in leadership to financially invest in their own growth. And if you have the ability, provide financial resources for women in ministry to be able to have a spiritual director, receive online support through a group, or go to counseling. (It can be hard to find a local counselor she does not deal with professionally. She will need someone who is not in her sphere of influence in order to feel safe.) Providing the resources for women to be able to grow as they leads will be a wonderfully encouraging gift.

In Closing

It is hard to ask for help. It is even harder for women in leadership roles to express a personal need. Yet, we all need encouragement from one another. There have been two encouragements that stand out to me personally that made the biggest impact on my life as I served in ministry.

At the top of my list are those women who would pray for me without asking for a prayer request list. And then they would send a text stating how they were praying for me. They were such an encouragement. The second was counseling. It was transformative because I was able to learn about my flaws and my counselor provided a safe place to receive perspective.

I hope that you have been encouraged by this series and have received practical ideas for how to support the woman you serve under. Is there an encouragement you will implement today? If you’re a woman leading a ministry, I hope you have felt seen and understood. You are doing important work.

To all of us, the writer of Hebrews says: “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased” (Heb. 13:16).

Becky served on the NEWIM Board as the Treasurer. She grew up in a houseful of girls. She has been married to Gary for over 30 years and they have two adult children.